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March 31, 2024
In what ways have you changed
compared to 1 year ago:



I feel like I have changed a lot over the past year. I'm a lot better at caring about myself and what I need to do for my health; than what other people think. I'm not responsible for other people's mistakes or judgements. 

I am finally going to be going into counseling. Divorce 5 years this August and I never went to counseling. Just though 'eh it will all just fade away. Well umm maybe to a small extent. I did make a big mistake not seeking counseling right away. I have this really huge thing about no wanting to talk about emotional things in the moment because I don't want to totally break down. Crying at home by myself is one thing...
So, letting my doctor put me on the waiting list to a counselor I feel like is a really big step. 

It doesn't thrill me. Because I have a negative view of counseling in general. But I feel like my other foot has moved forward and I'm not just stuck in the same spot. 

Many times it feels like it was just yesterday. And that no time has passed. But almost FIVE years have passed. That to me is so bizarre. And probably because I haven't dealt and processed grief properly. I'm to the point of not crying every day. But that is really not healed or moved on.
It really hurts when I text my ex. -- and i even have problems just saying that! But it really hurts when I text him about something and its basically a one word reply. 

When will my heart and brain ever be on the same page.
Narcissists do not feel like they hurt anyone's feelings by lack of reaction, feeling etc... That was one of the biggest problems in my marriage and how I was not going to be treated anymore.

I thought we would be together forever. Guess 33 years was just too long for him...
And perhaps one day I won't say negative things like that anymore. *lol*


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